life

Sometimes I wonder, why do I bother?
I have a daughter who hates me and a man that stopped loving me a long time ago
I know I sound like a cry baby.....
Well I don't care
I have no life no family
I never been good at hiding what I feel or if I'm mad
People say that's a bad thing but you know what?
I don't care
People are going to talk no matter what
If you're happy or mad
If you're doing good or bad
So that's why I don't hide if I'm hurting
People say treat your man like a king and he will treat you like a queen
Well that's not true not at all
I'm tired of treating him like a king
I get mantel abuse before it was worst
Why don't I get out you ask
I don't know why I don't have an answer, only that I'm a cowered

smile

Smile thats all I have to say is smile
When things seem like that there not going your way just smile
Put everything in his hands
He will take care of it
Don't dwell on whats going wrong
Don't worry about what you don't have right now
He has a plan for you and it might just be that he wants you to rest for a bit

Juliet

Your the best daughter anyone could ever ask for
I know some people said ugly things cause you weren't dancing the day of the wedding and because I allowed you to sit with me and drink out of my glass
But who cares......
I love how we can sit and talk about everything, well not everything but about boys and who you like
I want you to go to the school with that boy you like cause he likes you too.
If only your dad would let you
never know what he will say later

I also like how you can tell me when something is bothering you
don't worry the invitation will be sent to her and I really hope she shows up
and if she don't we will understand cause is her choice

However I love you and thats all that matters, LOVE YOU JULIET!

don't want to remember anymore

I don't want to think about you
today as I was driving to work a song come on and it made me remember so much
I tried to keep my tears in and not think
but it was so hard its like your dead, sad to say but true
I want to just delete your pictures and I can't
people tell me WTF Rosa its not like she was blood or like she even cared about you....
but in my heart it doesn't matter cause to me you were blood
I MISS YOU! you were my best friend/you were like that sister that I always wanted
only GOD knows why he put us together and I am very thankful for that.
I loved how we could do things together sure it wasn't all the times but it was fun
movies, tanning, JAX, drinking and enjoying life with the kids!
I know you have moved on and that's good
I wish you the best and don't worry soon you will have all 4 boys again:)
everyone tells me don't write on my blog cause all you do is sit with your sister, read it and talk shit
I don't talk to my mom, dad, brother, and sister
I try god knows I try but I just can't
She tells me Rosa mom and dad are looking for you answer there phone calls and I can't
inside I feel like I can't be me
I just want to forget and never look back
I want someone to hit me on my head so hard so I can forget and not remember you
I want my Juliet to forget too
It kills me when she gets all happy when you write to her and when you don't shes sad.
It kills me when my Andrew asks me mom when is my Tia coming over?
and I have to tell him never your tio fucked up for good this time
I just don't want to remember anymore
but wait...... I can't say that those were the best times
never mind put that bat down you can't erase my life
THANK YOU GOD REALLY....

Mom I want to hurt myself

The hardest words I had to hear you say to me was, "mom I want to hurt myself"
I couldn't believe my eyes and ears when I saw you standing in front of me in tears
I don't know how to make you feel better
All I can do is just make you work-out
I wish I could control your weight but I can't
I wish I could tell you that she will be there for your 15 but I can't
I wish I could say you will see her again but I can't
I know y'all made promises but they got broken for now
I know you had your heart set on him to be there too with you but his not
I never thought you would get your heart broken at such an young age but you did
It's just part of life and I always said, no one ever said life was fair....
I know that you are hurting and your good at hiding your feelings
I wish I could eras all those memories but I can't
One day you will forget that one person you called sister and one day you will forget about your first LOVE....
I will keep your life so busy so you won't think, it will get better once you learn to let go and you will learn to move on....

carol

If the only reason I printed our conversation to the lawyer before is because you said I could tell my brother about using Grant.
I didn't do that out of hate but because I didn't want him to fuck up anything anymore than what he did.
You need to read my blog about Don't Judge anyone until you walk in there shoes.....
At the Begin it might sound like its wrong but that's just me telling my story and at the end it will tell you how I am talking to my brother and telling him, theres his answer....
I know why you left the kids behind trust me at 1st I didn't understand why and then it just got clear to me.
I never heard you cry at my house.
I asked you once when we were drunk at your apartment and Lalo and I were fighting. We were sitting on your stairs and I asked you, why did you come back? I never wanted you to come back I wished and prayed that you never showed up at the air port. But you did at that time I wasn't sure why you really left cause you didn't tell us and Jr never said anything. all we knew was that he had fucked up. You could read all my blogs and you will see that I want you to stick to your plan, I know one day you will come back and take the kids away. I always tell Lil. Daniel when I see him crying for you. I hug all of them and make sure that they know you will be back. I don't and I will never talk bad about you to your kids. If I'm helping my brother with the kids taking them to the doctors and enrolling them in school is because I want too. I don't like to be told what I should be doing I like to do things cause I want to.
I don't know why you hate me so much, I never did anything wrong at least I don't thing so and if I did just tell me.
Do you really think I sit here and care that your having fun I'm glad that you are.
My cousins ask about you all the time and all I say is girl what ever she is doing is having fun and working. I don't think that is a bad thing cause you are. I also tell them how you blog about how much you miss your kids. But I'm sure like always people only say what they want to say. I tell everyone the same thing she is going to come back for the kids and we are probably never going to see them again.
Don't always believe what you hear on less you have that person or persons in front of you....

Otis and charles days!

Well this week my nephews have been staying with me,
This week I had to take Otis the youngest to the doctor.
He got 5 shots but took it like a champ, he kept asking me Tia Rosa is it going to hurt?
We kept telling him just don't look at the shot and you will be fine. My oldest son Andrew kept telling him just don't think it will hurt you and it won't... lol...
Kids are so funny this days.
Charles got 4 shots and he also took it like a champ.
Next week kids go to the dentist and I have to finish enrolling Otis in school. All we needed was he's shots. He is so excited about school.
Man just two more weeks and they all go to school, I can't wait!
Charles and Otis always use to fight but now after there day to the doctor together they have been getting along very well. they even sleep in the same bed now, wow I'm am so glad that they are bonding:) we will see how they will do the 1st day of school I really wish I could take both of them:( but I will only be taking my boy Charles and my brother will take my nephew Otis.