don't want to remember anymore

I don't want to think about you
today as I was driving to work a song come on and it made me remember so much
I tried to keep my tears in and not think
but it was so hard its like your dead, sad to say but true
I want to just delete your pictures and I can't
people tell me WTF Rosa its not like she was blood or like she even cared about you....
but in my heart it doesn't matter cause to me you were blood
I MISS YOU! you were my best friend/you were like that sister that I always wanted
only GOD knows why he put us together and I am very thankful for that.
I loved how we could do things together sure it wasn't all the times but it was fun
movies, tanning, JAX, drinking and enjoying life with the kids!
I know you have moved on and that's good
I wish you the best and don't worry soon you will have all 4 boys again:)
everyone tells me don't write on my blog cause all you do is sit with your sister, read it and talk shit
I don't talk to my mom, dad, brother, and sister
I try god knows I try but I just can't
She tells me Rosa mom and dad are looking for you answer there phone calls and I can't
inside I feel like I can't be me
I just want to forget and never look back
I want someone to hit me on my head so hard so I can forget and not remember you
I want my Juliet to forget too
It kills me when she gets all happy when you write to her and when you don't shes sad.
It kills me when my Andrew asks me mom when is my Tia coming over?
and I have to tell him never your tio fucked up for good this time
I just don't want to remember anymore
but wait...... I can't say that those were the best times
never mind put that bat down you can't erase my life
THANK YOU GOD REALLY....

Mom I want to hurt myself

The hardest words I had to hear you say to me was, "mom I want to hurt myself"
I couldn't believe my eyes and ears when I saw you standing in front of me in tears
I don't know how to make you feel better
All I can do is just make you work-out
I wish I could control your weight but I can't
I wish I could tell you that she will be there for your 15 but I can't
I wish I could say you will see her again but I can't
I know y'all made promises but they got broken for now
I know you had your heart set on him to be there too with you but his not
I never thought you would get your heart broken at such an young age but you did
It's just part of life and I always said, no one ever said life was fair....
I know that you are hurting and your good at hiding your feelings
I wish I could eras all those memories but I can't
One day you will forget that one person you called sister and one day you will forget about your first LOVE....
I will keep your life so busy so you won't think, it will get better once you learn to let go and you will learn to move on....

Being ME!

I haven't felt this happy in a long time
I have not been myself in a long time
I have to say it has been cause I blocked DRAMA out
I spoke my mind 2 weeks ago and it felt good
you can't make someone stay with you
my mom will probably never come see me or brother
but I know at the end they will understand
I have a duaghter and I would hate for her to go back to that bullshit if she left
no one understands me about how I feel about it
they say to me
your wrong
don't you want the kids to have mom and dad around
my answer is yes I do want mom and dad around but not like that
and maybe I'm wrong cause I agree on her leaving but its ok she is ok and not dead
His lawyer said to me when I gave her all the e-mails
rosa you really are taking a risk cause it seems you love her like your own sister
my answer was
yes but i'm not doing anything wrong and she will understand
her question was do you really want me to help him get this of his record?
my answer
NO, he needs to stay away from her and she came to the right person to help her, her sister
I know you didn't come to us cause he would found you right away
I don't think yall should even talk but I know that yall are doing it so the kids can see yall our ok on the phone
ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS KEEP LOOKING FOWARD AND NOT BACK
DON'T LET HIM TRY TO BRIAN WASH YOU
TAKE CARE
you may not care about us but here in the Lalo, Juliet and Rosa house we still love and care about you a lot