Funny how ppl. make your mood change
Just when you think things can get worst they really don't.
You have to find the good in everyone and everything
Ppl. can be so hurtful without even knowing it
Sometimes ppl. don't even know how different they act when upset at something/or someone

One of Those Days

It was fun to see my brother and my Carol come over.
I have to say that we had a good weekend, spent time with my sister, brother and my Carol.
On Sunday it didn't end so well, sometimes men don't know when to stop drinking or when its time to go home. Not sure where this relationship is going we have been together for 18 years this July, and it feels like its just getting worst. I keep telling myself that we need a brake but I really don't want my kids to grow up without the two of us.
I didn't take any medication last night so I  was in soooooo much pain today all I could do is just sit there. It hurts just to type or even move around but I can't depend on him to get things done around the house. It's like he walks around mad all the time, talking shit to me or the kids. Hes so unhappy at least that's what I think, He is so different around my family it's almost like he's someone else. I'm sure people think it's me but really its not, before everyone came over today we were still mad about last nigh and I was/still in so much pain.
No one really understands me they think I just talk shit to him cause I want to fight or be mad all the times. However its not that way.
I wish he knew what he wanted because I know he wants out.
His questions are the same as mine;
How will I do it alone with my kids?
Where would we go?
We would loose everything we worked so hard for
Would we ever get along for the kids?
Would he come around to see the kids?
Will it be easy to see him with someone else?
Will I want to be with someone else?
If I find someone will my kids like him?
Would he like my kids?
What about if he has someone would she see my kids good?
Would he push my kids away for another girl?
All of these questions go through my head and I'm sure they run through his mind too.
What do I do? I still love him.....3

Thank You

I think to much
I never had anyone tell me
Why is it that my mind just feels like it goes 100 miles?
Not sure why I started to write about something and then I started to delete it
I feel sad not talking to my brother but now not so sad anymore
I really thought that maybe it was me but it wasn't

I have to say that my moms visit made me feel better this weekend
She didn't say anything bad or good
She just listen
About what? Nothing really but for once she didn't tell me to be the bigger person
This past week I was in pain and hurt
All I did was cry and wished I could talk to someone about my pain
I wanted to tell my sister I need a hug but I didn't
I wanted to hurt someone just so they could feel as bad as I did
I wanted to make someone cry cause I never cried so much
I kept asking myself why was I crying so much if I didn't do anything wrong?
My Carol kept telling me, "Rosa you didn't do anything wrong"
But I kept crying and felt like shit
Now that I think about it I didn't do anything wrong it was you who created all this drama in our life

So I want to say THANK YOU MOM.
Thank you for being there for me when I thought I was going to loose my mind
Thank you for listening to the air with me
Thank you for not letting me go crazy
Thank you for coming over this weekend even when I said no cause I have plans
Thank you :)

I do want to say that if you ever have momma drama don't take it out on your love ones.
And to that momma don't created problems for that dad cause he will never be yours.

New

I'm new to The Blogger so not sure how to work this, I recently found out that I can let all my feelings out. I normally just write it down on a notebook and never look at it again but this seems like fun. I always read my baby girl Carol blog and she has told me it's nice to just let it out. Wether its funny, sad, personal, and/or just a saying.

LOVE YOU

You never know when your going to go so I always say that we should never walk away if we're mad at each other. Something can happen in a blink of an eye,
I remember my grandma would tell us everytime someone dies a baby is born. When I was little I would tell her, well I hope no one ever has to go cause I don't like babies... All they do is cry, poop, sleep, and there no fun cause they can't play with me...LOL... I was so young that I did't understand death; to tell you the truth I still don't.
So turn around tell that love one how you feel and never stop telling them
Make sure that even when your mad at that person you never let them walk away without saying I LOVE YOU!
Wether its your mom, dad, brother, sister who cares don't ever let them drive off, and/or walk away MAD.
You never want to be that person saying, I never even told him/her I loved them.
Death is hard to deal with I have been very lucky that I still have both of my parents and even thoe they make me mad sometimes I try my best to talk and see them. Wether if its just to say hey how are you doing or what are you doing?
We all get older and pray that our kids will take care of us but how can we if sometimes we as kids don't do the same for our parents.
So keep in mind that even by picking up the phone just to say a couple of words matters.

Always Watching

Sometimes when I'm driving I picture a perfect world where everyone gets along, parents are understanding, no one judges anyone and friends are real..lol...

How funny cause I'm the type of person that won't trust anyone and won't let my guard down. I build a wall all around me so no one can hurt me and/or back stab me. Some people say that I come on strong or like a Bitch.
However I have to say I didn't do this at my new job I felt as if I could trust the staff. Most of the times I can read a person if they mean well, trust, and someone who is just out to get you. But I saw trust in most of the staff some I knew I could just keep it work related. But today I found out one of those that I could trust had said a lie about me.
When I found out I wanted to ripe his head off, hurt him in many ways and cut his tongue off. But at that very moment someone said, "that's not even what  happened he's just mad cause she called he's bluff." So I calmed down from all my thoughts and said nothing but thanks for saying the truth. So to make long story short I know I should not let my guard down and there are people still out in this crul world you can trust.
I know we're not perfect trust me I know I have made mistakes and I have told lies too.

BITCH GET OVER HIM......

Can someone please tell me why is it that some women can't get over there first love? Who cares if you have kids together, your retaliation ship was wrong from the start. You were never the one; not 10 years ago and not NOW...... All you do is fuck up everything you use your kids to your advantage you really think your in control. Sweetie I can't wait till your own kids grow up and tell you, "why mom WHY did you keep us away from our brothers and our DAD.
You really think my brother will go back to you? Get it through your head he will never leave his FAMILY for you or any other BITCH.
Remember this your MOM FUCK UP YOUR LIFE.... LOL...
You know what really makes me mad that you get your mom or ex-boyfriend to fight your battles.... Oh but you don't say shit when you get that child support.
Did your MOM ever give you a good advice? Like mija lets tell your dad who your pregnant from, don't have so many kids, don't bring men around your kids, and keep your legs close..... I know you were just a kid and so was he. He was scared that your brothers were going to kill him cause that's what y'all would tell him... If your MOM wanted you to be happy she would have done the right thing just like my mom did. She went up there with my brother to make things right with your family and your mom told her NO...........
So you keep doing what you do but remember the KIDS will get older and they will come to HIM....
Mothers always say they know best.
So let me ask you did your MOM know BEST?
She has your life with 4 smart boys and that MAN you love. She takes care of him good and you will never be able to replace her...
WOW